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16th kid, Missing Bad Ass, and Is Halloween Cancelled? – Sparks Radio Ep 246

September 10, 2020

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What up! Welcome to the show! If it’s your first time here, this is a show I do every single day where I take 3 stories that jumped out at me and break them down with you and for you! 

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Today we’re talking about: 16th kid, Missing Bad Ass, and Is Halloween Cancelled? – Sparks Radio Ep 246

Stories:

Littering the planet

  • How many kids is too many?
  • That’s a subjective question
  • For some it might be 1, or 5, but there’s a definitely a number we can all agree on
  • 16
  • 16 kids is too damn many
  • There’s this couple in North Carolina who already have 15 kids, and they’re now pregnant with their 16th with their oldest kid being 12 years old 
  • Halfway through this headline, I became impotent
  • I have 2 kids and my wife and I are losing our minds
  • I’ve been standing closer to the microwave for extra insurance that an accident doesn’t happen
  • Where is the lazy sperm button?
  • AS a parent, I have so many questions?
  • How many car seats do you have? 
  • You’re like a flight attendant buckling all those kids in
  • How do you bathe them all?
  • Are kids dishwasher safe?
  • How do they function in society? 
  • Going out to eat to them is like a locust plague for a restaurant 
  • “Hi we’ll take all the endless breadsticks” 
  • This lady’s womb must be exhausted 
  • It’s overheating, let it cool down!
  • You’ll hear when her water breaks, 
  • Because her vagina’s now a steam whistle
  • I hope her Gynecologist has a punch card
  • one more and you get free delivery 
  • And this guy is putting the test in testicles
  • We get it, they work. You get an A…for anal
  • They said that all of the kids names start with the same letter – C 
  • C names huh, they have to be running out of names be now
  • Crustacean, don’t yell at caesar salad, she’s your sister
  • I know one c word they haven’t used
  • Contraception  

80 year old hiker missing

  • An 80 year old man named Harry went out hiking in northeast britain, got separated, lost, fell off a bridge, and camped for 4 days
  • Over 100 mountain rescue volunteers search for him only to find nothing
  • Until they were having a press conference at a pub in order to try and find him
  • When he walks in
  • The man accidentally turned up to his own missing persons meeting
  • Being the bad ass that he is, he felt bad for making so many people worry and didn’t think it was as big of a deal as everyone else thought
  • It’s amazing to me that people can still get lost
  • Where’s your old person’s cell phone, Harry?
  • Can jitterbugs be tracked?
  • No? 
  • I guess Jitterbug’s are designed for the eldery and farsighted drug dealers
  • Harry is proof that even if the government is tracking us, they don’t care
  • How long do you think you could survive in the wilderness
  • I, myself, have had a terrifying survival experience
  • This one time, i’ll never forget, it’s burned into my memory
  • I had to stay at a La Quinta
  • 3 and half stars
  • it was super close to the freeway
  • I could hear cars whizzing past and it took me like an extra 30 minutes to fall asleep
  • It got scary there for a moment
  • The sheets were really scratchy
  • At one point, I honestly, didn’t know if I would make it 
  • The next morning, I never felt like that in my life
  • My eyes were puffy
  • I knew that I stood on death’s doorstep
  • So, I feel you Harry, I can relate to what this guy went through
  • But that’s what we survivors do 
  • If I go missing, you have my permission to give up after lunch
  • I’m a balding, unemployed, 35 year old, that only get comments from porn bots  on youtube
  • I’m not worth ruining your dinner plans over 
  • Congrats Harry, This is a story that ended in a pub that’s going to be told in pubs

Halloween Canceled

  • People love halloween
  • So naturally, they’re wondering if it’s going to be canceled this year due to covid-19
  • I think for the first time, the day honoring death might actually be the bringer of it 
  • Halloween has been taken and warped by 2 parties
  • companies and women that want to hold on to their youth 
  • LOOK slutty pumpkin spice
  • My favorite spice girl
  • How important is teaching your kids to pander door to door? 
  • Sure, it’s important to your kids
  • Playing with the light switch is important to your kids
  •  A kid would commit murder for hire for a juice box
  • That’s why they’re not the decision makers
  • Is a bag of candy corn worth killing someone’s grandmother
  • actually , if she was the one giving out candy corn…maybe
  • Who’s the person still handing that out ? 
  • Old people hand out candy corn to let us know what the great depression tasted like
  • Actually, Candy corn is great example of Coronavirus  
  • A few people keep spreading it around, nobody likes it or wants it, and it just won’t go away
  • There’s a ton of solutions to celebrating Halloween during covid
    • Halloween costumes with natural face covering built in
    • Everyone’s dressed like an astronaut, welder, or recent post op michael jackson.
  • Actually the best solution is the laziest.
  • Just leave the bowl out and tell everyone to take 1 piece. 
  • If they take more than 1, we’ll know who’s parents hoarded all the toilet paper
  • Are there going to be stories of people getting covid from going to slutty halloween parties?
  • Yes, 
  • But they’ve been testing positive for years

Wrap up 

  • Follow and DM me on instagram for a Sparks Radio sticker and I’ll mail you one for free!
  • Tell a friend about your favorite episode – if you get asked what podcasts you listen to – say sparks radio! 
  • Subscribe and Rating the show! 
  • Be sure to check out SparksRadio.com! 
  • Thanks and we’ll talk tomorrow! 

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