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Today we’re talking about: 16th kid, Missing Bad Ass, and Is Halloween Cancelled? – Sparks Radio Ep 246
Stories:
Littering the planet
- How many kids is too many?
- That’s a subjective question
- For some it might be 1, or 5, but there’s a definitely a number we can all agree on
- 16
- 16 kids is too damn many
- There’s this couple in North Carolina who already have 15 kids, and they’re now pregnant with their 16th with their oldest kid being 12 years old
- Halfway through this headline, I became impotent
- I have 2 kids and my wife and I are losing our minds
- I’ve been standing closer to the microwave for extra insurance that an accident doesn’t happen
- Where is the lazy sperm button?
- AS a parent, I have so many questions?
- How many car seats do you have?
- You’re like a flight attendant buckling all those kids in
- How do you bathe them all?
- Are kids dishwasher safe?
- How do they function in society?
- Going out to eat to them is like a locust plague for a restaurant
- “Hi we’ll take all the endless breadsticks”
- This lady’s womb must be exhausted
- It’s overheating, let it cool down!
- You’ll hear when her water breaks,
- Because her vagina’s now a steam whistle
- I hope her Gynecologist has a punch card
- one more and you get free delivery
- And this guy is putting the test in testicles
- We get it, they work. You get an A…for anal
- They said that all of the kids names start with the same letter – C
- C names huh, they have to be running out of names be now
- Crustacean, don’t yell at caesar salad, she’s your sister
- I know one c word they haven’t used
- Contraception
80 year old hiker missing
- An 80 year old man named Harry went out hiking in northeast britain, got separated, lost, fell off a bridge, and camped for 4 days
- Over 100 mountain rescue volunteers search for him only to find nothing
- Until they were having a press conference at a pub in order to try and find him
- When he walks in
- The man accidentally turned up to his own missing persons meeting
- Being the bad ass that he is, he felt bad for making so many people worry and didn’t think it was as big of a deal as everyone else thought
- It’s amazing to me that people can still get lost
- Where’s your old person’s cell phone, Harry?
- Can jitterbugs be tracked?
- No?
- I guess Jitterbug’s are designed for the eldery and farsighted drug dealers
- Harry is proof that even if the government is tracking us, they don’t care
- How long do you think you could survive in the wilderness
- I, myself, have had a terrifying survival experience
- This one time, i’ll never forget, it’s burned into my memory
- I had to stay at a La Quinta
- 3 and half stars
- it was super close to the freeway
- I could hear cars whizzing past and it took me like an extra 30 minutes to fall asleep
- It got scary there for a moment
- The sheets were really scratchy
- At one point, I honestly, didn’t know if I would make it
- The next morning, I never felt like that in my life
- My eyes were puffy
- I knew that I stood on death’s doorstep
- So, I feel you Harry, I can relate to what this guy went through
- But that’s what we survivors do
- If I go missing, you have my permission to give up after lunch
- I’m a balding, unemployed, 35 year old, that only get comments from porn bots on youtube
- I’m not worth ruining your dinner plans over
- Congrats Harry, This is a story that ended in a pub that’s going to be told in pubs
Halloween Canceled
- People love halloween
- So naturally, they’re wondering if it’s going to be canceled this year due to covid-19
- I think for the first time, the day honoring death might actually be the bringer of it
- Halloween has been taken and warped by 2 parties
- companies and women that want to hold on to their youth
- LOOK slutty pumpkin spice
- My favorite spice girl
- How important is teaching your kids to pander door to door?
- Sure, it’s important to your kids
- Playing with the light switch is important to your kids
- A kid would commit murder for hire for a juice box
- That’s why they’re not the decision makers
- Is a bag of candy corn worth killing someone’s grandmother
- actually , if she was the one giving out candy corn…maybe
- Who’s the person still handing that out ?
- Old people hand out candy corn to let us know what the great depression tasted like
- Actually, Candy corn is great example of Coronavirus
- A few people keep spreading it around, nobody likes it or wants it, and it just won’t go away
- There’s a ton of solutions to celebrating Halloween during covid
- Halloween costumes with natural face covering built in
- Everyone’s dressed like an astronaut, welder, or recent post op michael jackson.
- Actually the best solution is the laziest.
- Just leave the bowl out and tell everyone to take 1 piece.
- If they take more than 1, we’ll know who’s parents hoarded all the toilet paper
- Are there going to be stories of people getting covid from going to slutty halloween parties?
- Yes,
- But they’ve been testing positive for years
Wrap up
