We’ve driven (or flown) long distances. We’ve put up with a lot of inane chit chat with relatives we’re not quite sure how we’re related. We’ve selected our best pair of loose fitting pants to accommodate the 4300 calories (average caloric intake for Americans on Thanksgiving) we will soon shove down our gullet.
For most Americans this is the meal of the year, the one we look forward to, the one we dream about once November 1st hits. However, we’ve all been there, sitting around the table when the worst happens, someone offers you the runt of Thanksgiving meal offerings. We may politely decline, but it might be that one aunt, who is in bad health, might not make it to next Thanksgiving, you can’t turn her down and make that the last memory she has of you.
So we here at SparksRadio.com can help provide you with the answer to ol’ Aunt Tilly. When she passes you the dreaded dish, just simply point to our article and say “see Aunt Tilly, this food sucks!”
Worst: Green Bean Casserole
Photo Credit: Crazyhorseghost
I feel as though I shouldn’t even have to write why this food sucks. I mean just look at it. First off I’ll admit, I’m not a vegetable guy. I think the green bean lobby created this dish because they knew no one would eat their canned green beans unless they were covered in salty gravy and those fried noodle things. The time I’ve had green bean casserole it felt slimy, and like I was eating earthworms in mud. But not the fun dessert you have as a kid with gummi worms and oreos. No, this is a horrible canned vegatble, with other horrible canned products put together. It is a veritable who’s who of horrible canned items.
Photo source: quickmeme.com
Yams. I picked yams as the worst item you’ll find on a Thanksgiving table… It’s just a filler dish. Like the green melon in fruit salad. It’s there to fill up space, to make things look nicer. Maybe you need more orange on your table BAM, yams are there to save the day. Of course, there’s always one person out of a group of 30 that actually enjoys them. But they’re usually the same person who likes black liquorice or the weird peanuts in the nut mix… Those people are great to have around because they’re like the garbage disposer. You need someone to take a bunch of leftovers or eat the yam dish, they’re there and they’re great because you won’t have to smile and pretend you like someone’s yams.
Yams is just an orange, weird looking, needing to be over season veggie that will take space on the Thanksgiving table. Do everyone a favor, don’t make yams… Bring out another dish of mac and cheese.
Best: Cranberry Sauce (Shaped Like A Can)
Photo Credit: Me, that’s right. I love this food so much I took my own picture of it. Wanna fight?
Yes, while I bashed canned foods above, this is honestly my favorite food at the Thanksgiving table. In fact I am the only one who thinks so in my family so we now have two cranberry sauces at the dinner table. Strangely enough though, when it comes time to clean up, I always see more of the canned sauce has dissapeared than the nasty horrible cranberry sauce with actual cranberries in it (yuck, why would I want real fruit?) At the end of the day, people say canned cranberry sauce is bad for you because it is loaded with sugar, but my argument is, you just covered an entire plate in gravy, and put so much whip cream on your pie that you can no longer see the actual pie, what’s a little more sugar gonna hurt?
Best: Mash potatoes (not from the box)
Photo source: p.gr-assets.com
One dish I make sure to load up on is… MASH POTATOES!!! Every year I get so excited to eat mash potatoes, because it’s that one time of the year that it’s socially acceptable to have more than one servings and have one plate of mash potatoes. Put butter, garlic, sour cream, corn, spices, gravy… There are so many things and add ons you can do with mash potatoes! And yes… It might not be the healthiest vegetable, but it’s still considered a vegetable. So load up mother F*^%er… IT’S THANKSGIVING TIME and time to overindulge on the best dish on the table.
At the end of the day the important thing to remember is be thankful, well except if someone offers you creamed corn. Just politely ask them to get out of your house and bring on the pie!
Got some more suggestions? Tweet us using the hastag #thnxbest or #thnxworst.
Cranberry Sauce (shaped like a can)…#thnxbest
— Paul Oh (@paultoh1) November 24, 2014