Now that we’ve bid a farewell to 2014, and 2015 is in full swing it’s time to look back on those news stories that dominated the year that was, and our frustration and anger towards them. 2014 was ripe with stories that could be from the files of “Who Gives A Crap?” so I’ll try to put them together into a coherent list and maybe remind you just how shitty 2014 ended up being.
In no particular order, here are “The News Stories I Didn’t Care About In 2014”
With that big gavel, you compensating for something John?
Photo Credit: Time
Sure if you work for MSNBC, Fox or CNN this was a big deal. Otherwise, who cares? When the Dems were in control the Republicans blocked everything. Now with the GOP in control, the Dems will block everything. End of the day, it doesn’t really matter who is in control of Congress, we’re screwed either way.
Solange Elevator Scuffle
Gif Credit: TheWire
It seemed the internet was about to burst when footage from an elevator showed Solange attacking Brother-in-law Jay-Z while people stood by and watched. Ultimately, we all have that crazy relative that gets a bit out of control. Also, the main thing that bugged me was the news coverage that pervaded for weeks and people asking, “What caused this tangent?” Who cares? Oh and by the way, stop calling her Queen Bee; it’s not cute, or endearing. It’s annoying.
Justin Bieber Did Things
Photo Credit: Uproxx
This kind of falls into a catch-all Celebrity annoyances category. I cannot for the life of me figure out why when Justin Bieber does something it ends up on the news, and almost in an “oh, that Justin” type fashion. Whether it’s his DUI’s, getting in fights with celebrities, playing sub-par white kid basketball, throwing eggs at a house or what have you, if you had a brother or child that acted this way you’d kick his ass, and in no way feel bad about calling him an untalented ass-clown to his face.
Ice Bucket Challenge
If only they all ended this way…ah dreams.
Gif Credit: Heavy
There were a few stories this year that truly annoyed me to the point of getting into verbal arguments with people about them. This was one. I didn’t understand it, and still don’t. Wasting water, in the name of charity seems odd. Also, are we in for these videos every single year? Looks like I’ll have to go on a technology blackout come every August then. Plus, ice water in the summer doesn’t seem like a punishment. My suggestion? Boiling water. Or perhaps snow angels during the polar vortex. And speaking of which…
The Polar Vortex
Photo Credit: Text+
My god this was truly annoying and it kicked off 2014 no less. Guess what, if you live in the north, it gets cold. Get over it. I’m sure in Florida it probably dipped to like 55 degrees, and people went ape shit and looked at the sky in frustration and blamed the polar vortex. Its winter, it snows, it’s cold, and it sucks. When did we become such whiny a-holes? Also, stop throwing hot water out your window and filming it when it’s cold. After the first video, do people really care? The worst off-shoot of the whole thing, is now anytime it gets a wee-bit cold, people start saying “must be that polar vortex”. I hate when people learn a term and then use it like it’s been in their vernacular their entire life.
Girl Pitcher/Little League World Series
Photo Credit: Quickmeme
First off the news cycles went crazy when a girl was pitching in the Little League World Series, and even more so when she was good. First let me say, if you consider yourself an “I am woman hear me roar” type lady shouldn’t that piss you off? The news channels being surprised a girl is good at something should be a bad thing right? Anyway, I didn’t care if she was good or not. Why you ask? First off, it’s the Little League World Series, second, last time I checked I don’t think she can make the majors, third, even if she could, who watches baseball anymore? I find all the attention paid to the Little League World Series extremely creepy.
And I’ll Never Care About Royals
Photo Credit: OzPolitic
No I’m not calling out Lorde here; I’m talking the royal family from across the pond. “Oh look at their kid”, “oh their having another kid” “oh they’re coming to America”. Don’t care, and won’t ever care. Haven’t cared about the English monarchy since 1776. USA, USA, USA!
Kim Kardashian Did Things
Gif Credit: Pandawhale
Whether it was her ass on a magazine cover, or her kid, or her wedding, I didn’t care. This seems like a 15 minutes that’s gone on way too long. Nothing she does could ever “break the internet”. Unless of course, she physically sat on the servers. Which leads me too…
Celebrity I Do’s
They look happy right? It’ll last forever, I’m sure
Photo Credit: E Online
Brad and Angelina. Kim and Kayne. George and whoever he married. I don’t care. I don’t care if they got married in a castle while a string quartet played. I don’t care if they did it in secret. I don’t care if someone wore a white batman costume to the wedding. I have enough trouble remembering my own wedding anniversary; you think I have time to give a shit about these soulless people?
The Interview/Sony Hack
Photo Credit: Memegenerator
First off, people were pissed at Sony after some of their email content was released. Come on, if people got access to your emails and internet history, you’re telling me there isn’t something in there that would most likely cause you to lose your job, get thrown in jail, or at bare minimum piss some people off? Also, pulling the movie was the biggest pus-move of the year. I honestly think Sony orchestrated it, in order for us to get interested in a shit movie that we wouldn’t have cared about otherwise. Seth Rogen also likened the hack to a 9/11 type terrorist act. Smoke another bowl Seth.
Well that’ll do it. What a year of annoying pointless crap it was. However, much like sands through the hourglass, we’re only a few weeks into 2015 and already I can feel my don’t-give-a-shit meter rising.