Nothing better than imitating your friend’s voice by sounding nothing like them! That’s how we kick it off! From there, we dance through the streets of kids and cliffs, pink chickens and the limits of science! It’s all right here in the one and only news source you need for your week! It’s digestible, like a puddin’ pop, because it only takes thirty minutes to get through it!
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Mouth That Shit
News That Matters:
REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:
The perfect crime often starts with the perfect plan. The perfect plan is often the most simple one. In this case, the plan was neither perfect nor simple. The plan was…a blend of simple and perfect. “Serfect.” Or. “Pimple.” That’s the new way of saying a perfectly simple plan. Only…this plan wasn’t “serfect” or “pimple” either. This plan was hard, long and complicated, like the road to the punchline of this segment. This plan involved dastardly deeds! And….Dastardly thoughts. And…the word for a blend of deeds and thoughts, which are both dastardly, is…”Theeds.” This summer! Come see the slam, bang, action thrill ride of the season…or…the Slang-tion-thride-son! It’s time for serfect and pimple theeds! Or is it? This movie is not yet rated. Or titled.
Guess What’s Up My Rectum
Crossing the border with something with something on my person. Walking through the line, if they stopping me I’m cursing. One step, Two step, and then a couple more, delivering this payload and I’m looking to score. It’s the size of a dollar so I’m pushed to the limit. They pull me to the side only after a minute. Maybe I should have to driven it over the border in my car. Because they pulled out about a half a pound of heroin black ______
It’s scientifically proven that bees are more attracted to purple flowers. Therefore a purple flower Is like a big fat ass to bees.
— WestAndSparks (@WestAndSparks) March 9, 2015
I’m basically a souped up Ford Tempo.
— Ryan West (@RyanWestt) March 2, 2015