What up! Welcome to the show! If it’s your first time here, this is a show I do every single day where I take 3 stories that jumped out at me and break them down with you and for you!
Today we’re talking about:
Greenland is open
- Greenland, the second largest ice sheet in the world is melting.
- The largest ice sheet being the one that covers my ex girlfriend’s heart. I’m sure that one’s still intact.
- Scientists are saying the earth is heating and heat melts ice. Yeah yeah yeah ya fucking nerds. We all know..but we have years till this happens…oh it’s accelerating?
- Even if we fixed it today, it’s too late? really?
- Ok I guess scientists are saying it’s too late now and Greenland is going to actually be green soon.
- WAY TO JINX IT – VIKINGS
- There’s nothing we can do? Really?
- oh ? So 99 out of 100 simulations they ran, Greenland melted. Were talking 500 gigatons of ice lost each year.
- So it’s open season on Greenald? Who owns greenland?
- We do. The USA. and here’s why
- That’s where Superman’s fortress of solitude was – He was american
- That’s where Captain American was frozen – And He’s Captain of America
- That’s where Santa lives and relies on child labor to manufacter consumer goods – there’s nothing more American than THAT!
- (kid) I’m almost done with these shoes
Give me my money
- You ever give someone a 10 instead of a 5?
- I haven’t, I’ve never made a financial mistake in my life.
- Sorry this is my wealth coach… yeah, all of it… yeah put it all into Hydroxychloroquine
- Getting rich is sickkkkk
- So when I read that Citigroup accidentally wired Brigade Capital $175 million instead of 1.5 million I was hysterical
- The money is for the makeup company revlon
- Which some intern is going to need to invest heavily in after the beating their about to get
- If you did like that joke because it’s about fake domestic violence. Relax…It’s a male intern wearing the cover-up…so it’s woke.
- The best part about this story is that Brigade Capital isn’t giving the money back!
- Now Citigroup is having to take them to court
- I love how $175 million has caused two financial institutions to fight like they just bought a car off craigslist
- “Hey man, I need my money back.
- I said All sales Final when you bought it.
- It broke down as soon as I got off the block.
- Well now your number’s blocked.
Story number 3
I got laid off today…well in a way I’ll explain after the break