We all have that friend–specifically, that second-best friend. He/she disputes what most would call irrefutable facts. This can be annoying and, although this person is still a friend, their tendency to dispute obvious truths keeps them at “second-best friend” status. Thus, 5 Facts That Aren’t True, According to Your Second Best Friend:
1. Han Solo shot first. A best friend would agree, but a second-best? Not a chance.
2. Bea Arthur was the sexist Golden Girl. This is a self-evident truth to most friends, but the ever stubborn second-besty goes with Estelle Getty every time.
3. Rolling Stones were always better than the Beatles. Always. Hey Jude can suck a dick during a hard day’s night. Your second-best friend sounds like this guy:
4. Masturbation DOES NOT cause blindness. This is well studied, but your second-best friend thinks that Ray Charles sang about masturbation-induced blindness all the time. What do you think The Night Time is the Right Time was really about?!
5. Gravity was invented by Walmart to explain “falling” prices.