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Today we’re talking about: Amazon Watch Your Tone, Topless in France, I have a horrible voice Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 236
Music by: https://twitter.com/musicbypedro
Stories:
Halo fitness
- How much more does amazon want to know about you?
- Apparently putting an alexa microphone in every room of your house isn’t enough
- Now they’ve dreamt up something called Halo
- It’s a screenless smartband that measures your health in a bunch of ways
- It tracks your steps
- alright
- It tracks your heart rate
- alright
- It takes pics of you basically naked and tells you how fat you are
- …ok thats a bit much…I don’t want amazon having pics of me basically naked
- It listens to you all day and let’s you know your tone of voice is wrong
- Um WHAT
- PLAY Halo Audio
- What’s with the jazzy music?
- Halo is going to listen to me all day and analyze my tone
- This must be for single people
- Because my wife let’s me know if I have the wrong tone for free
- I would never buy this
- Anyone who buys this is insane
- This is Amazon making money off of AI bossing you around all day
- That’s like you paying a house cleaner to yell at you so YOU scrub harder
- How insecure are you to pay a monthly fee for a robot to tell you how to be a better human?
- And what do they want all of this information for?
- Sparks you were a dick to a co-worker at your job at Noon. Send him ads for granola bars
- Well jokes on you amazon, because I don’t have a job
- That was me screaming at my Alexa
- NO I DON’T WANT AMAZON MUSIC UNLIMITED
- Amazon’s thirst for private information knows no bounds
- Soon, we’ll paying Amazon to steal information about our poop with app with a dumb name… like Stool-o
- Yes with Stool-o the shit life throws at you is worth money to us
- Stool-o is a revolutionary new app that works with your Halo smart band
- It’s as simple as pooping in your hands
- Then Stoolo will anal-ize the weight, density, and clogability of your stool
- We know it’s a lot to digest, but dietary health is vital to your overall health
- So let us pump you of your hard earned cash using fear based marketing tactics
- We agree- it’s a shitty way to sell a product.
- We see you ate corn last night for dinner.. Other amazon customers who ate corn recommend this triple ply charmin
Naked in France
- Some topless ladies got the support they needed from the French Government
- Two Gendarmes, or basically cops with guns in france, told some ladies to cover up their Fleur-de-ts while they were sunbathing on the beach
- The french interior minister, who also focuses on their exterior, stepped in to say that the cops were wrong and that France should free the nipple
- He said something a tit more boring than that, something about freedom being precious, but either way, I’m glad he nippled this in the bud
- The story goes that the cops only said something because a family complained
- Hey families. THIS IS FRANCE. People like baguettes, smoking, and being naked.
- It’s home of the Pièce of ass de résistance
- It’s europe.
- Euro going to see some naked people
- Look, I have a family. I don’t want my kids subjected to erroticism while going on a family outing to the beach.
- But if the ladies were just lying there existing, and you’re complaining about it, then you’re the one making it weirdly sexual.
- You’re the one with a boner in his boardshorts looking like a human sundial
- What an awkward tan line that would leave
- They’d be able to tell exactly what time you started creepin out
- He was facing East, so kand based on his tan line he started staring at the women around 10:30am
- I was on South Beach in Miami with my family. I was there with my wife, Latin fire and my son, who was less than a year old at the time. There was also a topless women about 30ft from us.
- My wife was feeding my son.
- The woman was feeding my soul
- I didn’t say anything. How could I?
- I’d be a hypocri-tit
- Then guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED.
- Come on people. It’s nothing to lose your shirt over
My wife thinks I have nasally voice
- I know I don’t have the manliest voice in the world
- Last night, my mentioned that my voice sounds nasally on the show here
- What can I say, I have a prepubest girls voice
- I wish I had a mans voice.
- Especially going into this profession, everytime I meet someone that listens to the show they always go – oh…I imagined you differently.
- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
- They expected to see a blonde Kate Hudson woman
- Well I’m a man!
- Ok I get it. I’m gangly and weird.
- I have this reedy, nasally voice that sounds like i was midway through puberty and then my body gave up
- It’s like puberty started at my feet and then quit when it got to my neck
- That explains why I’m 6’2” and yet I have the facial hair of an 8th grade chess team
- But I blame my wife.
- She’s the one who married this voice box
- She knew what that “i do” would sound like
- They only benefit to thing voice is that I could be a good voice for a cartoon squirrel
