Amazon Watch Your Tone, Topless in France, I have a horrible voice – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 236

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Today we’re talking about: Amazon Watch Your Tone, Topless in France, I have a horrible voice Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 236

Music by: https://twitter.com/musicbypedro

Stories: 

Halo fitness

• How much more does amazon want to know about you?
• Apparently putting an alexa microphone in every room of your house isn’t enough 
• Now they’ve dreamt up something called Halo
• It’s a screenless smartband that measures your health in a bunch of ways
• It tracks your steps
• alright 
• It tracks your heart rate
• alright 
• It takes pics of you basically naked and tells you how fat you are
• …ok thats a bit much…I don’t want amazon having pics of me basically naked
• It listens to you all day and let’s you know your tone of voice is wrong
• Um WHAT
• PLAY Halo Audio
• What’s with the jazzy music?
• Halo is going to listen to me all day and analyze my tone
• This must be for single people
• Because my wife let’s me know if I have the wrong tone for free
• I would never buy this
• Anyone who buys this is insane 
• This is Amazon making money off of AI bossing you around all day
• That’s like you paying a house cleaner to yell at you so YOU scrub harder
• How insecure are you to pay a monthly fee for a robot to tell you how to be a better human?
• And what do they want all of this information for?
• Sparks you were a dick to a co-worker at your job at Noon. Send him ads for granola bars 
• Well jokes on you amazon, because I don’t have a job
• That was me screaming at my Alexa
• NO I DON’T WANT AMAZON MUSIC UNLIMITED
• Amazon’s thirst for private information knows no bounds 
• Soon, we’ll paying Amazon to steal information about our poop with app with a dumb name… like Stool-o 
  • Yes with Stool-o the shit life throws at you is worth money to us
  • Stool-o is a revolutionary new app that works with your Halo smart band
  • It’s as simple as pooping in your hands  
  • Then Stoolo will anal-ize the weight, density, and clogability of your stool
  • We know it’s a lot to digest, but dietary health is vital to your overall health
  • So let us pump you of your hard earned cash using fear based marketing tactics
  • We agree- it’s a shitty way to sell a product. 
  • We see you ate corn last night for dinner.. Other amazon customers who ate corn recommend this triple ply charmin

Naked in France

• Some topless ladies got the support they needed from the French Government
• Two Gendarmes, or basically cops with guns in france, told some ladies to cover up their Fleur-de-ts while they were sunbathing on the beach
• The french interior minister, who also focuses on their exterior, stepped in to say that the cops were wrong and that France should free the nipple
• He said something a tit more boring than that, something about freedom being precious, but either way, I’m glad he nippled this in the bud
• The story goes that the cops only said something because a family complained
• Hey families. THIS IS FRANCE. People like baguettes, smoking, and being naked. 
• It’s home of the Pièce of ass de résistance
• It’s europe. 
• Euro going to see some naked people
• Look, I have a family. I don’t want my kids subjected to erroticism while going on a family outing to the beach. 
• But if the ladies were just lying there existing, and you’re complaining about it, then you’re the one making it weirdly sexual. 
• You’re the one with a boner in his boardshorts looking like a human sundial
• What an awkward tan line that would leave
• They’d be able to tell exactly what time you started creepin out 
• He was facing East, so kand based on his tan line he started staring at the women around 10:30am 
• I was on South Beach in Miami with my family. I was there with my wife, Latin fire and my son, who was less than a year old at the time. There was also a topless women about 30ft from us.
• My wife was feeding my son.
• The woman was feeding my soul
• I didn’t say anything. How could I?
• I’d be a hypocri-tit
• Then guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED. 
• Come on people. It’s nothing to lose your shirt over 

My wife thinks I have nasally voice

• I know I don’t have the manliest voice in the world
• Last night, my mentioned that my voice sounds nasally on the show here
• What can I say, I have a prepubest girls voice
• I wish I had a mans voice.
• Especially going into this profession, everytime I meet someone that listens to the show they always go – oh…I imagined you differently.
• WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
• They expected to see a blonde Kate Hudson woman  
• Well I’m a man! 
• Ok I get it. I’m gangly and weird. 
• I have this reedy, nasally voice that sounds like i was midway through puberty and then my body gave up
• It’s like puberty started at my feet and then quit when it got to my neck
• That explains why I’m 6’2” and yet I have the facial hair of an 8th grade chess team
• But I blame my wife. 
• She’s the one who married this voice box
• She knew what that “i do” would sound like 
• They only benefit to thing voice is that I could be a good voice for a cartoon squirrel