Amazon Watch Your Tone, Topless in France, I have a horrible voice – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 236

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Today we’re talking about: Amazon Watch Your Tone, Topless in France, I have a horrible voice Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 236

Music by: https://twitter.com/musicbypedro

Stories: 

Halo fitness

  • How much more does amazon want to know about you?
  • Apparently putting an alexa microphone in every room of your house isn’t enough 
  • Now they’ve dreamt up something called Halo
  • It’s a screenless smartband that measures your health in a bunch of ways
  • It tracks your steps
  • alright 
  • It tracks your heart rate
  • alright 
  • It takes pics of you basically naked and tells you how fat you are
  • …ok thats a bit much…I don’t want amazon having pics of me basically naked
  • It listens to you all day and let’s you know your tone of voice is wrong
  • Um WHAT
  • PLAY Halo Audio
  • What’s with the jazzy music?
  • Halo is going to listen to me all day and analyze my tone
  • This must be for single people
  • Because my wife let’s me know if I have the wrong tone for free
  • I would never buy this
  • Anyone who buys this is insane 
  • This is Amazon making money off of AI bossing you around all day
  • That’s like you paying a house cleaner to yell at you so YOU scrub harder
  • How insecure are you to pay a monthly fee for a robot to tell you how to be a better human?
  • And what do they want all of this information for?
  • Sparks you were a dick to a co-worker at your job at Noon. Send him ads for granola bars 
  • Well jokes on you amazon, because I don’t have a job
  • That was me screaming at my Alexa
  • NO I DON’T WANT AMAZON MUSIC UNLIMITED
  • Amazon’s thirst for private information knows no bounds 
  • Soon, we’ll paying Amazon to steal information about our poop with app with a dumb name… like Stool-o 
    • Yes with Stool-o the shit life throws at you is worth money to us
    • Stool-o is a revolutionary new app that works with your Halo smart band
    • It’s as simple as pooping in your hands  
    • Then Stoolo will anal-ize the weight, density, and clogability of your stool
    • We know it’s a lot to digest, but dietary health is vital to your overall health
    • So let us pump you of your hard earned cash using fear based marketing tactics
    • We agree- it’s a shitty way to sell a product. 
    • We see you ate corn last night for dinner.. Other amazon customers who ate corn recommend this triple ply charmin

Naked in France

  • Some topless ladies got the support they needed from the French Government
  • Two Gendarmes, or basically cops with guns in france, told some ladies to cover up their Fleur-de-ts while they were sunbathing on the beach
  • The french interior minister, who also focuses on their exterior, stepped in to say that the cops were wrong and that France should free the nipple
  • He said something a tit more boring than that, something about freedom being precious, but either way, I’m glad he nippled this in the bud
  • The story goes that the cops only said something because a family complained
  • Hey families. THIS IS FRANCE. People like baguettes, smoking, and being naked. 
  • It’s home of the Pièce of ass de résistance
  • It’s europe. 
  • Euro going to see some naked people
  • Look, I have a family. I don’t want my kids subjected to erroticism while going on a family outing to the beach. 
  • But if the ladies were just lying there existing, and you’re complaining about it, then you’re the one making it weirdly sexual. 
  • You’re the one with a boner in his boardshorts looking like a human sundial
  • What an awkward tan line that would leave
  • They’d be able to tell exactly what time you started creepin out 
  • He was facing East, so kand based on his tan line he started staring at the women around 10:30am 
  • I was on South Beach in Miami with my family. I was there with my wife, Latin fire and my son, who was less than a year old at the time. There was also a topless women about 30ft from us.
  • My wife was feeding my son.
  • The woman was feeding my soul
  • I didn’t say anything. How could I?
  • I’d be a hypocri-tit
  • Then guess what? NOTHING HAPPENED. 
  • Come on people. It’s nothing to lose your shirt over 

My wife thinks I have nasally voice

  • I know I don’t have the manliest voice in the world
  • Last night, my mentioned that my voice sounds nasally on the show here
  • What can I say, I have a prepubest girls voice
  • I wish I had a mans voice.
  • Especially going into this profession, everytime I meet someone that listens to the show they always go – oh…I imagined you differently.
  • WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN
  • They expected to see a blonde Kate Hudson woman  
  • Well I’m a man! 
  • Ok I get it. I’m gangly and weird. 
  • I have this reedy, nasally voice that sounds like i was midway through puberty and then my body gave up
  • It’s like puberty started at my feet and then quit when it got to my neck
  • That explains why I’m 6’2” and yet I have the facial hair of an 8th grade chess team
  • But I blame my wife. 
  • She’s the one who married this voice box
  • She knew what that “i do” would sound like 
  • They only benefit to thing voice is that I could be a good voice for a cartoon squirrel