David Blaine Flew Balloons, 6 Billion Bumble, Snake People – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 240

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Today we’re talking about: David Blaine Flew Balloons, 6 Billion Bumble, Snake People – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 240

Stories:

David Blaine Flew Balloons

Magician David Blaine attached himself to 52 weather balloons, and while looking like a car dealership with a huge sale, he floated up to 24,900 feet
He then safely parachuted down
Look, I know it’s dangerous
But this isn’t magic.
Look guys, I’m going to shatter the law of physics and your mind!
With something that will amaze you!
It’s called, a detailed pan
oh , there’s no wand or blowing on a card or something?
I have something better! The help of expert consultants, and a team of specialist in their field, teaching me how to do it every step of the way
MAGIC!
Plus, this becomes less special when you find out this happened in 2015
Play CANADIAN AUDIO From CBSN
He attached them to a lawn chair! A LAWN CHAIR!!
He didn’t have a team, he just a had a dream
It was how high can I go, from this patio
David Blaine said it was his dream to become a tiny dot in the sky
Of course that’s one of his dreams.
It’s my dream to be a fleck of pepper on your eggs
It’s my dream to be that spittle on the bathroom mirror
When he finally reached the ground, his 9 year old daughter congratulated him and he was like “I did this all for you! “ “this was all for you”
Which is complete horseshit
It did something reckless and unnecessary and risked my life in order to fulfill the ambitions of a madman because I knew you would be affected if I didn’t
I could’ve just supported and encouraged you in your endeavors, taken you to ballet practice, but it comforts me to think that my unquenchable thirst of the approval of others is as important to you as it is me.
David, she’s 9 years old, taking her out for ice cream is something you do for her, not freefalling from 25,000 feet
I do love the idea that she wouldn’t love her father unless his stunts keep getting bigger and more dangerous
Daddy, you’ll never experience my love to the fullest, because you’re a weak and feeble man who’s getting soft in his old age
Can I get a balloon
OH I’LL GET YOU SOME BALLOONS HONEY

Bumble

Truth be told, I’ve never used a dating app
I’ve been with my wife since before the smartphone was a thing
You couldn’t swipe on dating app back then, cameras were awful and the screens were too small
It’d just be the same blurry 6 pixels
It’d be like trying to get laid on an atari
Oh She’s pretty, oh no, I’m playing pong again
That joke’s for the older crowd
Younger crowd-
It’d be like trying to get laid on minecraft
So when I read Bumble is thinking about going public with an IPO of $6Billion, I couldn’t beelieve it. mmmmm
This app is making a ton money
Bumble is an app where the women get to make the first introduction,
which is nice, it finally takes the pressure off of her and the button on your pants
I don’t understand why would you use any of these dating apps -you’re paying people to tell you you’re ugly
If you sign up for bumble, and no one messages you. It means you’re ugly
You’re a literal online troll
If you don’t think you’re ugly, oh these apps will let you know
That’s why the app should be called humble
It’ll take you down a few pegs
Not to confused with the BDSM app – down a few pegs
It’s not the woman’s fault for thinking you’re ugly either,
If all women think you’re ugly, then you are.
That’s the definition.
You need to develop a skill, or a trade, why do you think I do this?
Because I have a weird bird face? Receding hairline? Tiny afemine wrists?
The answer is all the above.
They should make an app for women, that gives them what they really want
A guy with his shit together
Women just swipe left or right on your credit score

Snake People

A guy in Australia came home to find a hole in his ceiling and 2 huge snakes fighting over a nearby female
One snake was 9 and a half feet and the other was over 8 feet
Snakes randomly falling from the sky is a nightmare scenario
The only worse scenario is coming out of the toilet
Thanks to everyone that sent me the video that showed the russian lady getting a snake pulled out of her mouth
Although i’m thinking its fake, that’s why I didn’t use it as a story on the show
Can you imagine coming home to a snake fight
It’d be horrible, but not as bad as coming home to a snake person
I’ll never understand people who own snakes as pets
Any animal that eats live animals who, isn’t a pet,
It’s how they fed animals in jurassic park
It’s not looking for a soul mate, it’s looking for soul food
Anything you keep in a sealed rubbermaid container when you take them out isn’t a pet, it’s a hostage
It’s sick of looking at your shitty apartment all day
Set it free. It doesn’t like you.
I can described the people who own snakes as pets too
Male snake owner: pony tail, combat boots, goatee
female snake owner: pony tail, combat boots, goatee

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