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Today we’re talking about: David Blaine Flew Balloons, 6 Billion Bumble, Snake People – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 240
Stories:
David Blaine Flew Balloons
- Magician David Blaine attached himself to 52 weather balloons, and while looking like a car dealership with a huge sale, he floated up to 24,900 feet
- He then safely parachuted down
- Look, I know it’s dangerous
- But this isn’t magic.
- Look guys, I’m going to shatter the law of physics and your mind!
- With something that will amaze you!
- It’s called, a detailed pan
- oh , there’s no wand or blowing on a card or something?
- I have something better! The help of expert consultants, and a team of specialist in their field, teaching me how to do it every step of the way
- MAGIC!
- Plus, this becomes less special when you find out this happened in 2015
- Play CANADIAN AUDIO From CBSN
- He attached them to a lawn chair! A LAWN CHAIR!!
- He didn’t have a team, he just a had a dream
- It was how high can I go, from this patio
- David Blaine said it was his dream to become a tiny dot in the sky
- Of course that’s one of his dreams.
- It’s my dream to be a fleck of pepper on your eggs
- It’s my dream to be that spittle on the bathroom mirror
- When he finally reached the ground, his 9 year old daughter congratulated him and he was like “I did this all for you! “ “this was all for you”
- Which is complete horseshit
- It did something reckless and unnecessary and risked my life in order to fulfill the ambitions of a madman because I knew you would be affected if I didn’t
- I could’ve just supported and encouraged you in your endeavors, taken you to ballet practice, but it comforts me to think that my unquenchable thirst of the approval of others is as important to you as it is me.
- David, she’s 9 years old, taking her out for ice cream is something you do for her, not freefalling from 25,000 feet
- I do love the idea that she wouldn’t love her father unless his stunts keep getting bigger and more dangerous
- Daddy, you’ll never experience my love to the fullest, because you’re a weak and feeble man who’s getting soft in his old age
- Can I get a balloon
- OH I’LL GET YOU SOME BALLOONS HONEY
Bumble
- Truth be told, I’ve never used a dating app
- I’ve been with my wife since before the smartphone was a thing
- You couldn’t swipe on dating app back then, cameras were awful and the screens were too small
- It’d just be the same blurry 6 pixels
- It’d be like trying to get laid on an atari
- Oh She’s pretty, oh no, I’m playing pong again
- That joke’s for the older crowd
- Younger crowd-
- It’d be like trying to get laid on minecraft
- So when I read Bumble is thinking about going public with an IPO of $6Billion, I couldn’t beelieve it. mmmmm
- This app is making a ton money
- Bumble is an app where the women get to make the first introduction,
- which is nice, it finally takes the pressure off of her and the button on your pants
- I don’t understand why would you use any of these dating apps -you’re paying people to tell you you’re ugly
- If you sign up for bumble, and no one messages you. It means you’re ugly
- You’re a literal online troll
- If you don’t think you’re ugly, oh these apps will let you know
- That’s why the app should be called humble
- It’ll take you down a few pegs
- Not to confused with the BDSM app – down a few pegs
- It’s not the woman’s fault for thinking you’re ugly either,
- If all women think you’re ugly, then you are.
- That’s the definition.
- You need to develop a skill, or a trade, why do you think I do this?
- Because I have a weird bird face? Receding hairline? Tiny afemine wrists?
- The answer is all the above.
- They should make an app for women, that gives them what they really want
- A guy with his shit together
- Women just swipe left or right on your credit score
Snake People
- A guy in Australia came home to find a hole in his ceiling and 2 huge snakes fighting over a nearby female
- One snake was 9 and a half feet and the other was over 8 feet
- Snakes randomly falling from the sky is a nightmare scenario
- The only worse scenario is coming out of the toilet
- Thanks to everyone that sent me the video that showed the russian lady getting a snake pulled out of her mouth
- Although i’m thinking its fake, that’s why I didn’t use it as a story on the show
- Can you imagine coming home to a snake fight
- It’d be horrible, but not as bad as coming home to a snake person
- I’ll never understand people who own snakes as pets
- Any animal that eats live animals who, isn’t a pet,
- It’s how they fed animals in jurassic park
- It’s not looking for a soul mate, it’s looking for soul food
- Anything you keep in a sealed rubbermaid container when you take them out isn’t a pet, it’s a hostage
- It’s sick of looking at your shitty apartment all day
- Set it free. It doesn’t like you.
- I can described the people who own snakes as pets too
- Male snake owner: pony tail, combat boots, goatee
- female snake owner: pony tail, combat boots, goatee
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