Today we’re talking about McDonalds Employee Got Punched, Cameron Diaz Finds Peace, Snap Chat Votes!
◦ A woman punched a McDonald’s employee in the face
◦ The employee at McDonald’s was a teenage girl
◦ So a woman punched a girl in the face and I know what you’re thinking it better be for a good reason
◦ But I wouldn’t be talking about it if it was for a good reason
◦ The woman punched the teenage employee in the face because she didn’t give her ketchup
◦ We have to stop getting mad at minimum wage workers
◦ Their job sucks. There’s only two people that work at fast food restaurants those who are overqualified and hate their job or those are perfectly qualified which is even worse
◦ The punching lady asked the employee “if she has a problem“ and the employee responded “no I have no problem“
◦ That should’ve been the end of the argument
◦ Then she said “oh we can take this outside”
◦ And then didn’t take it outside.
◦ She punched the teenager in the face for getting the order wrong and then got her own order wrong
◦ she ordered the fight to go, and then immediately dined in
◦ cops are still looking for they said she was wearing a tie-dyed shirt and sliders
◦ Which is the perfect description of The bottom of the gene pool
◦ cops: be on the lookout for a human trash bag, in her mid to late 40s, neck tattoo, obvious signs of a missing dental plan
◦ Cameron Diaz says she found peace after quitting acting
◦ Love how she says this like all her mediation guided her to this realization.
◦ Finding peace.
◦ that’s what happens when you retire
◦ She’s worth $140 million and she has no job
◦ That’s the very definition of peace
◦ She said we wouldn’t get it and that being out in the public eye was too much pressure
◦ She’s right I don’t get it
◦ When you retire in your famous you don’t just stop being famous
◦ She said “there’s a lot of energy coming at you at all times when you’re really visible as an actor and doing press and putting yourself out there”
◦ And I get that it can be exhausting traveling is tiring.
◦ You know it’s more exhausting? Tarring a roof in the middle of the summer.
◦ I bet those guys want their inner peace
◦ Look I’m not mad at Cameron Diaz. I actually bet she’s probably a cool person.
◦ I just use it as further evidence that The more money you have the less you live on the same planet as the rest of us.
◦ That’s why Jeff Bezos and Elon musk they have so much money they’re literally trying to live on a different planet
◦ It’s like they saw the movie Elysium and they said yeah that looks like a good idea
◦ At what point are you comfortable publicly being an out of touch asshole?
◦ I don’t think it’s a dollar amount
◦ You can tell just by looking at a person. Even when they aren’t super wealthy
◦ A grown man wearing three scarves clearly out of touch asshole.
◦ You’re picking produce at the grocery store and you look like Steven Tyler? I think you’re an asshole
◦ You’re asking where the pasta is And you’re dress like a bond villain? you’re an asshole
◦ If you’re at customer service and dressed like you’re on your way to barter at burning man? You’re an asshole
Snapchat voter registration
◦ Snapchat said it’s gonna be rolling out features on its app to get young users to register to vote
◦ They do this earlier in the midterm elections
◦ I think it’s great. everybody should vote
◦ Especially young people who are old enough
◦ But isnt Snapchat just a bunch of dick pics?
◦ could Snapchat Tie pictures of your dick to your political party
◦ Yep that one leans left and so does he
◦ Yup that’s a fat white choad, clearly a republican
◦ Whoa whoa whoa, uncircumcised? We’ve got an immigrant voting for the first time here!
◦ Plus I love when the news tries to pinpoint what young people care about
◦ You could tell the news is always old people trying to relate like that Steve Buscemi how do you do fellows kids meme
◦ Get out politicians are like get out there and vote
◦ And for you kids skateboard on down to the local polling palace and get your voting on Fleek so I can dab in my opponent in floss my way to victory
◦ If you really wanna get young people to vote just tell them that they’re worthless nobody cares what they think and they have the power to do nothing
◦ Then they’ll actually get off their ass and do it
◦ So if your snap chatting right now you’re worthless trash that has the power to do nothing and nobody cares what you think keep wasting your life watching other people play video games dying your hair purple for no reason and pretending like no one else understands you even though everyone in your generation is going to the same thing.