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Today we’re talking about: Full Messi Situation, Gender Revealed a Forest Fire, and the new LG Wing – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 243
Stories:
Messi situation
- Lionel Richie is no longer dancing on the ceiling about playing for Barthacelona
- He’s 1, Two, 3 times trying to quit the team
- Probably thinking about it all night long…
- What’s that?
- No it’s lionel richie
- Lionel Messi? Who the fuck is Lionel Messi?
- Looks like I messi-ed up. ammiright?!?
- Lionel Messi – from what I’m being told – the greatest player in the most watched sport around the world
- Doesn’t want to play for his team anymore.
- But it get even more awkward because he just said that he’s coming back to the team to play
- Only because nobody can pay his massive release clause
- $827million dollars to go play for another team
- His contracts bing a real spain in the ass
- Now it’s like watching a divorced couple trying to work together
- Like Flip or flop on HGTV
- You have a bitter guy Tarak, that’s Messi in this situation, he’s been working his ass off and not seeing the fruits of his labor come to fruition – and it taking a toll on their relationship
- And Barcelona is like Christina, who could easily go find someone better if she would just get out of her own way and stop focusing on the one guy in front of her
- I know he seems like the one, but you won’t know what’s out there unless you look
- You deserve to have someone that wants to be with you!
- My wife watched that show and I knew that guy was a douche bag because he always wore pants and sandals
- Any man who’s asked – which birkenstocks go with these jeans – is human garbage
- There was team covid testing, but Messi didn’t show
- More like Lionel Missing – I should get tested after that joke, because I feel sick
- Then he faxed over information saying he wanted to be released from the club effective immediately
- Faxed? Messi faxed something?
- I hope he faxed a letter to the club
- Dearest Barcelona, It comes with great sadness to write to you that my heart yearns for another. Although a piece of my heart will always remain with thee, I wish for the sundering of our agreement post haste.
- Fax machine SFX
- How awkward would it be for the rest of the team too
- Knowing that the greatest player in the world doesn’t want to play with you
- These are also the greatest players in the world and for once, they’ll know what it feels like for somebody not to want to play with them!
Gender Revealed a Forest fire
- There’s a 7,000 acre forest fire raging right now in Cali and none of it’s contained.
- That’s a shame and you don’t wish anyone hurt, but you don’t it’s not out of the ordinary
- however , fire fighters are saying this one started because of a gender reveal party
- I guess they used some sort of pyrotechnic device to tell people the gender
- What if it was this guys plan the whole time to let everyone know he was having a baby
- Look they’re having a girl!
- They’re using Pink fire retardant!
- This is how you know gender reveal parties have gone too far
- Getting a lady knocked up isn’t a magic trick, you don’t need explosions
- In fact, your little explosion is why we’re all here right now talking about this
- That burning desire for sex causing a helicopter evacuation
- Now they probably want the baby baptized by a 747 supertanker
- You’ve heard everytime a bell rings, an angel get its wings
- Now everytime a smoke alarm goes off, a lady’s getting pregnant
- This should be taught in schools as why you shouldn’t have unprotected sex
- Class, you shouldn’t have unprotected sex
- Because you could get pregnant and you could burn your family alive!
- We did actually did a gender reveal thing with my family.
- It was just small and over facetime. You know, like gentleman
- Its exciting, but my wife ordered red velvet cupcakes with either blue or pink frosting in the middle
- But she didn’t tell anyone the flavor
- So when we cut into the cake, all we saw was reddish/pink cake because it’s red velvet cake and the whole family thought it was a girl
- It took like 15 min to explain that the frosting was blue and the cake was red
- Gender reveal parties – turns out – not a piece of cake
LG’s new phone
- LG, the cell phone manufacturer who I assume is named after Lindsay Graham, announced plans for a new phone, the LG wing, and it’s ridiculous
- It has 2 screens with one sliding perpendicular to the other one.
- Cell phones have become “pimp my ride”- I know you love your screen, well now you can screen your calls while you’re screening a movie, because I put a screen on top of your screen!
- Since one screen sits sideways on top of the other, it looks like you just robbed sesame street, because you’re holding an uppercase T
- T is for trash!
- Hi I’d like to buy the T in T mobile please
- I can’t imagine walking around with this thing.
- It looks like a giant cross. People will think you’re trying to bless coffee shops with good wifi
- This would be Jesus’ phone if he was around today, his modern cross to bare
- Wait, you walked from the Las Vegas strip? Jesus Christ! You could’ve called me?
- I didn’t have signal – I was roaming in the desert
- died for our sims
- If there was a phone created by God, without question, it an iPhone
- In the iphone of the creator
- Specifically the iPhone 5s
- Because it fit in your hand and your pants
- Can you imagine putting this thing in your pocket?
- If it opens up, it’d give you parachute pants – maybe that’s why they called it the LG WIng
- Someone asks for directions – you’re like here let me draw you a map.
- Oh you’re actually going to draw it?
- Yeah, I can use my phone as a t-square
- The phones today are just getting annoying. They fold, they flip, and now you can use this one as weapon
- Just throw it at someone like the feral boomerang kid from Mad max 2
- Maybe that’s why they designed it this way
- When you throw it in the trash, it comes right back to you
- It clings to you – the LG Wingman
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