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Today we’re talking about: My Own Somalian Terrorist Attack, Hiker Stranded Left To Die, and an Ice Cream Pandemic Problem!
Stories:
My Own Somalian Terrorist attack:
- I was reading this BBC article about the recent terrorist attack on a hotel in Mogadishu, Somalia
- This journalist was recapping what it was like being there when the blast went off and then terrorists started shooting at people when they were running out.
- You know, just some light reading before bed
- This former BBC Journalist was recapping what he did and it was amazing, because, believe it or not, I could totally relate as to what’s been going on in my life as of late
- For example when he said “I was trembling. My heart was beating like a drum and my body was shaking. A huge cloud of dark smoke had gone up and it was even difficult to see the entire area.”
- I was like – I was just trembling too, just when I was going in Target yesterday they had a sign asking me to put on my mask before entering and I was like oh my god. The unbearable weight of dual layered cloth, relentlessly pressing down on the bridge of my nose. It was shock and agony just like this guy
- Then when he said “People were screaming. I could see the impact of the blast. Some people had been hit by the shattered glasses, and some were bleeding, others were shouting for help”
- It reminded me of the time I was at a starbucks and the wifi went down. People were screaming and upset. I saw one lady crying. She said it was the “worst day of her life” because they didn’t give her extra foam and then the wifi went down. I can still see her face. The sheer look of devastation wakes me up at night.
- Then he said “I knew if you have anything coloured, like a shirt, it could easily attract the attention of the attackers. I had on a green T-shirt so I removed it and started to run on the beach. I was barefoot, having abandoned my shoes.The shooting was still going on but I am lucky I survived.”
- And I get it, because I was at the pool and I ran out of SPF 50, and I had to put on the SPF 15 stuff and My chest is very pale, so I knew that it wouldn’t be enough. And sure enough, I got burned and I blame god to this day. He didn’t remind me that I was almost out. Now I have an uneven tan and it itches no matter which shirt I put on. I’m miserable. My shirts are like those terrorists, shooting at me everytime I put one on. It doesn’t matter if it is a cotton poly blend or a linen, I’m just itchy. My life is ruined!
- Hang in there man. If I can pull though, you’ll be able to as well
Hiker stranded
- This happened in the Santa Fe Forrest in New Mexico. A man was hiking with his kids and heard cries for help
- When he finally found the guy, the guy had a hurt back and said he’s been there for 14 days
- He hadn’t eaten for 7 and lived by crawling to the river and drinking the water from his filtered water bottle
- So then this happened
- (Play audio of news clip)
- Yeah, of course, you left him out there an extra day.
- After 15 days it’s free?
- We’re going to rescue him physically and financially
- How could you leave? You left a man up there that was in horrible shape and could’ve died any day and you quite because night time?
- “It’s getting dark out, better get home” is what I said when I was 8 because my mom wanted me home for dinner – I stay here and keep looking capt’n, but ma made meatloaf
- Plus the guy gave you the exact GPS coordinates. How do you fuck that up?
- You didn’t use siri did you?
- She’s the worst one
- For Siri – All roads lead to hell
- (Plays audio)
- Mine sounds Irish
- It’s called a search and rescue – not search and rest you
- 8 hours, that’s how long they looked.
- I get it. It’s a normal work day.
- You go in, send a few emails, walk around the woods, leave a man to die and try to beat rush hour
- The best part of all this, you’re going to say it’s that the guy lived. No that’s not it.
- The best part of this is that when they found him, they wrapped him up in one of those reflective emergency rescue blankets because he was so cold.
- But they didn’t stop there, they wrapped him up in so many that he looks like a human baked potato.
- He looks like they tried to mummify him in reynolds wrap
- He looks they wrapped him to go at a chinese restaurant
- He looks like the flight of the navigator
- He looks like…I’ll just post the picture on my instagram @SparksRadio and see it for yourself
Ice Cream Pandemic Problem
- I kind of alluded to it in the first story, but we need to stop making a big deal out of things
- There are pandemic problems and then problems during the pandemic
- We’re at 173k dead from covid – that’s a pandemic problem
- Miriah Carey is putting out a new album – that’s a problem during the pandemic
- The My Pillow Guy has a Covid miracle drug – that’s a pandemic problem
- There’s a national coin shortage – that’s a problem during a pandemic
- So It’s been hot and i was getting my family ice cream yesterday
- We’re standing outside
- They come out and announce that they’re only taking exact change or credit cards
- The guy in front of me orders and it comes to $4.75 for hi Ice cream and he hands them a 5
- They said they are only taking exact change and this walking Sopranos parody starts laying into the kids behind the couter
- What the fuck you mean – you aint got 25 cents
- No sir, we don’t
- You mean to tell me you aint got 25 cents and this is a fucking business
- It says it’s legal tender and you gotta accept it
- “No sir we don’t”
- You aint got no change?
- And then the kid goes, I’d love to give you my 2 cents and shut the window
- OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH
- Everyone in line is laughing now.
- We all just witnessed a public execution
- Even behind the mask I saw the eyes of a broken man
- Humiliated, the dude pulls out a credit card, they open the window, and pays in like 2 seconds
- Yeah you fuck. Stop giving the kid greif. He’s working during a pandemic slinging ice cream for minimum wage.
- You wanted a delicious treat designed for children.
- Hope you ordered a two scoops of feelings, because you’re about to eat them
