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Neckbeards vs hairy knuckles, Song Subject Suggestions, Perfect DINO ASS – Sparks Show Ep 335

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My Own Somalian Terrorist Attack, Hiker Stranded Left To Die, and Ice Cream Pandemic Problem – Sparks Radio Podcast Ep 230

August 19, 2020

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What up! Welcome to the show! If it’s your first time here, this is a show I do every single day where I take 3 stories that jumped out at me and break them down with you and for you! 

Tell a friend you enjoyed it and give us a rating and review here. DM your address on INSTAGRAM @SPARKSRADIO for a free Sparks Radio sticker and I’ll mail you one! Thanks for listening!

Today we’re talking about: My Own Somalian Terrorist Attack, Hiker Stranded Left To Die, and an Ice Cream Pandemic Problem!

Stories:

My Own Somalian Terrorist attack:

  • I was reading this BBC article about the recent terrorist attack on a hotel in Mogadishu, Somalia
  • This journalist was recapping what it was like being there when the blast went off and then terrorists started shooting at people when they were running out. 
  • You know, just some light reading before bed
  • This former BBC Journalist was recapping what he did and it was amazing, because, believe it or not, I could totally relate as to what’s been going on in my life as of late
  • For example when he said “I was trembling. My heart was beating like a drum and my body was shaking. A huge cloud of dark smoke had gone up and it was even difficult to see the entire area.” 
  • I was like – I was just trembling too, just when I was going in Target yesterday they had a sign asking me to put on my mask before entering and I was like oh my god. The unbearable weight of dual layered cloth, relentlessly pressing down on the bridge of my nose. It was shock and agony just like this guy
  • Then when he said “People were screaming. I could see the impact of the blast. Some people had been hit by the shattered glasses, and some were bleeding, others were shouting for help”
  • It reminded me of the time I was at a starbucks and the wifi went down. People were screaming and upset. I saw one lady crying. She said it was the “worst day of her life” because they didn’t give her extra foam and then the wifi went down. I can still see her face. The sheer look of devastation wakes me up at night. 
  • Then he said “I knew if you have anything coloured, like a shirt, it could easily attract the attention of the attackers. I had on a green T-shirt so I removed it and started to run on the beach. I was barefoot, having abandoned my shoes.The shooting was still going on but I am lucky I survived.”
  • And I get it, because I was at the pool and I ran out of SPF 50, and I had to put on the SPF 15 stuff and My chest is very pale, so I knew that it wouldn’t be enough. And sure enough, I got burned and I blame god to this day. He didn’t remind me that I was almost out. Now I have an uneven tan and it itches no matter which shirt I put on. I’m miserable. My shirts are like those terrorists, shooting at me everytime I put one on. It doesn’t matter if it is a cotton poly blend or a linen, I’m just itchy. My life is ruined!
  • Hang in there man. If I can pull though, you’ll be able to as well

Hiker stranded

  • This happened in the Santa Fe Forrest in New Mexico. A man was hiking with his kids and heard cries for help
  • When he finally found the guy, the guy had a hurt back and said he’s been there for 14 days
  • He hadn’t eaten for 7 and lived by crawling to the river and drinking the water from his filtered water bottle
  • So then this happened
  • (Play audio of news clip)
  • Yeah, of course, you left him out there an extra day. 
  • After 15 days it’s free?
  • We’re going to rescue him physically and financially
  • How could you leave? You left a man up there that was in horrible shape and could’ve died any day and you quite because night time? 
  • “It’s getting dark out, better get home” is what I said when I was 8 because my mom wanted me home for dinner – I stay here and keep looking capt’n, but ma made meatloaf 
  • Plus the guy gave you the exact GPS coordinates. How do you fuck that up? 
  • You didn’t use siri did you?
  • She’s the worst one
  • For Siri – All roads lead to hell
  • (Plays audio)
  • Mine sounds Irish
  • It’s called a search and rescue – not search and rest you
  • 8 hours, that’s how long they looked.
  • I get it. It’s a normal work day. 
  • You go in, send a few emails, walk around the woods, leave a man to die and try to beat rush hour
  • The best part of all this, you’re going to say it’s that the guy lived. No that’s not it. 
  • The best part of this is that when they found him, they wrapped him up in one of those reflective emergency rescue blankets because he was so cold.
  • But they didn’t stop there, they wrapped him up in so many that he looks like a human baked potato. 
  • He looks like they tried to mummify him in reynolds wrap
  • He looks they wrapped him to go at a chinese restaurant
  • He looks like the flight of the navigator
  • He looks like…I’ll just post the picture on my instagram @SparksRadio and see it for yourself

Ice Cream Pandemic Problem

  • I kind of alluded to it in the first story, but we need to stop making a big deal out of things
  • There are pandemic problems and then problems during the pandemic
  • We’re at 173k dead from covid – that’s a pandemic problem
  • Miriah Carey is putting out a new album – that’s a problem during the pandemic
  • The My Pillow Guy has a Covid miracle drug – that’s a pandemic problem
  • There’s a national coin shortage – that’s a problem during a pandemic
  • So It’s been hot and i was getting my family ice cream yesterday
  • We’re standing outside
  • They come out and announce that they’re only taking exact change or credit cards 
  • The guy in front of me orders and it comes to $4.75 for hi Ice cream and he hands them a 5
  • They said they are only taking exact change and this walking Sopranos parody starts laying into the kids behind the couter
  • What the fuck you mean – you aint got 25 cents
  • No sir, we don’t
  • You mean to tell me you aint got 25 cents and this is a fucking business
  • It says it’s legal tender and you gotta accept it
  • “No sir we don’t” 
  • You aint got no change?
  • And then the kid goes, I’d love to give you my 2 cents and shut the window 
  • OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH
  • Everyone in line is laughing now. 
  • We all just witnessed a public execution
  • Even behind the mask I saw the eyes of a broken man
  • Humiliated, the dude pulls out a credit card, they open the window, and pays in like 2 seconds
  • Yeah you fuck. Stop giving the kid greif. He’s working during a pandemic slinging ice cream for minimum wage. 
  • You wanted a delicious treat designed for children. 
  • Hope you ordered a two scoops of feelings, because you’re about to eat them

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Neckbeards vs hairy knuckles, Song Subject Suggestions, Perfect DINO ASS – Sparks Show Ep 335

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