Scientists had the balls to publish yet another study about the harmful impact of pop on a living organism. World renowned researcher, Dr. Thomas Holler had to be the bearer of bad news, when he published his latest findings pertaining to how, specifically, gnats react when submerged for 60 minutes in off-brand and name-brand soda. They die.
“It certainly shook us up,” proclaimed Dr. Holler
Moreover, his colleagues found similar results when they replicated the study on larger organisms. Namely, rhinos. Dr. Peppers, a trusted friend and colleague of Dr. Holler, shared his terrifying results:
“It’s not just that a Rhinoceros dies when completely submerged in a vat of soda pop; the damn thing actually reanimates three days later.”
Skeptics of soda pop research often point out the obvious in studies like this: drowning is drowning, whether it’s with water or another liquid. The implications of this important study, however, are yet to be seen for actual people.
