Today we’re talking about: Rhino Resurrection, R Kelly, and Chocolate Science!
- The Malaysian Rhino is extinct
- The last one died last november
- The tried getting the last male Rhino, Tam, and the last female Rhino, Iman, to mate before they both died, but it didn’t happen
- Sad really because I thought Rhinos were naturally always horny
- But now they are trying to bring them back with the skin and tissues cells from 3 rhinos
- It’s the least sexy 3 way of all time
- I hate to sound like a pessimist here, but this isn’t going to work. They’re called Rhinos, not Rhi-yes
- On top of that Indonesia is being stingy with that Rhino punany
- Indonesia has some rhino buns that Malaysia wants to butter
- Let me put it this way. It’s like Chick-fil-a. Indonesia rhinos are the chick and Malaysia want to fill their “A”
- Indonesia is kind of acting like a rhino pimp here. And I don’t like it.
- Rhino baby batter. No political matter – that’s my new bumper sticker
- It feels like the worst episode of Maury. Where we never find out who the father is and then the parents die
- The test says you are just a skin cell
- If Indonesia won’t give them a rhino, then they might use something similar like a horse.
- A horse is similar to a rhino?
- There’s only one way a horse would look like a rhino, and its not a unicorn because the horse horn is in the wrong place
- 2020 has been a shit year, but I’m not desperate enough for horses to start birthing rhinos.
- Actually this sounds like the worst episode of Maury.
- Human garbage R. Kelly is being held in jail
- 3 of his friends have been caught trying to intimidate and bride some of his victims
- If you don’t know R. Kelly is accused of keeping women locked up in his home and abusing them
- We’re talking 22 charges and 11 girls over the course of 2 decades
- Prosecutors are saying they’re operating as an organized crime ring
- Which is perfect for R. Kelly, Because he‘ll know what a ring is when you draw him a circle.
- It’s true. When R Kelly was first being accused of basically kidnapping women for years, he said he couldn’t have done it because he doesn’t know how to read.
- So this isn’t the first time R. Kelly has been afraid of a strong sentence
- To be honest I had a lot more on this story, but the more i kept going into this story the sadder I got
- I’ll make it really quick. He married a 15 year old girl. He’s been charged with child pornography. He’s accused of running a cult. And now his friends are allegedly trying to obstruct justice. I believe he can die
The Chocolate Chip
- I’m a cookie expert
- I know this because my wife is a pastry chef and has spent probably close to 10,000 hours perfecting her chocolate chip cookie
- Of course I’ve done nothing but encourage this over the years and have reaped the benefits since
- She made these cookies for clients, celebrities, celebrity chefs…you name it.
- No lie, they have been called “ a million dollar cookie” by the pros
- SO when I saw this article saying that they’ve redesigned the chocolate chip and that it now bakes in a better/ more even way. I wanted to call bullshit
- In fact I am calling bullshit on this and the only way to prove me wrong and stop me from yelling slanderous things about your fancy chips Dandelion Chocolate company is to send me samples
- So what if you had some tesla engineer redesign the chip for a couple years
- I get it, baking is a science. But so is sexual reproduction. If you want it done right you need to throw some passion in there. Heat it up and make em melt
- A Sexual chocolate if you will
- That’s what I’m here for. I’m looking for a sexual chocolate partner and I’m looking at you Dandelion Chocolate Company
- How did we get here? Why am I naked right now?
- The fact of the matter is that someone has once again fixed a problem nobody had in the first place
- They say the necessity is the mother of invention. If that’s true, then Marketing is an evil pimp and he needs money.
- Oh boy, I’m dipping back into the R kelly story again