West and Sparks TIMED Podcast Ep 129: Wizard Sleeve and the Tumultus Tortuga

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West and Sparks are IN DUH CLUB! We race through the most important news of the week with breakneck clarity and clouded visions of penguin fights and rectum riddles! Tortugas, Steven Seagal, penguins, Putin, and Koalas all make an appearance! Click it for episode 129 of West and Sparks!

Show Notes:

News That Matters:

Pistol Whipped!

Be a blow hard

Comments First:

- Don’t trust penguin chics….dude went for a walk and gotta come home to this…
- She belongs to the game bro. Just move on and find a better penguin.
- turns out, there are no nice peaceful creatures, not anywhere on this earth anyway

REAL LIFE OR MICHAEL BAY:

Wanted! Dead or Alive. What happens when the most notorious outlaw in the history of humankind goes on a flight for one last job? Stakeouts? Shootouts? Out outs?! NO! NONE OF THOSE! Let’s just say the plot gets some koala-ity improvement by someone who’s koala-ified. In the slam-bang-adorable-can-i-take-you-home-with-me-thrill-ride-of-the-season, it’s “Go Back to Your Tree, Varmit.”

Guess What’s Up My Rectum:

Lying here, On my stomach, All night, dreaming of what could have been. Car accidents, CRASH, praying to relieve me of all this sin. I’ve lost something precious you best believe, and it’s just south past my wizard sleeve. Oh you hurt your arm and you think that’s hanus? Try being 25 and you lose your entire anus. Colon function, function, what’s your function. Well I ain’t got none at this current junction. Filling up bags of colostomy, wishing my poo was inside of me with the anal variety. Gone to the doc and he’s got it on lock cuz he’s got an idea to replace my backdoor sock. With a new anus, I’m living the ultimate high. Because he took muscles from my inner _____